Saturday, May 28, 2011

C


Cannon Fodder 2013 - *1/2 Did you know that a zombie film had been produced in Israel? Neither did we, so we were naturally curious to see what a genre movie from the Middle East would have in store. What we discovered is that whatever your race, creed, religious or political affiliations, you can still produce mediocre zombie cinema.They say there is nothing new under the sun, and this film is a sterling example of that axiom.

A retired soldier is brought out of retirement to rescue a Doctor who may have a cure, blah, blah. The zombies are well done and convincing, but the majority of the gore is CGI, including the blood. Doesn't anyone insist on practical effects anymore? Actually we watched the trailer for the new Dolph Lundgren film, "Battle of the Damned" the other day, and it pretty much looks like the same movie with added robots. This is one of those movies you could watch when you're bored, and it will help pass the time, but expect little more than that.




Campus Of The Living Dead 2006 - ** This short film was brought to our attention by its maker Mark Wall. It is a prime example of what can be done on a limited budget. We won't even guess what the budget was, but it is an enjoyable short piece. We hope Mark makes more films in the future, as this short shows great promise. Please check it out in its entirety below, and let us know what you think.




Cemetery Man 1994 - **** AKA "Dellamorte Dellemore". The best film in the genre since "Dead Alive". Sit back and enjoy, while slow at times this film does not disappoint. Excellent gore, nudity, script, and production values.




Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things 1972 - ** A typical low budget film of this era. It is badly shot, acted, and produced however it still makes decent zombie fare in a dark room.




The Chilling 1989 - * Linda Blair, Dan Haggerty, and Troy Donahue.....does one need say more ? The make up is so so, and there is a little gore.




Choking Hazard 2004 -  **1/2 What do you get when you cross a blind philosopher, an existential getaway camp, a Jehovah Witness porn star, and zombies? You get this film from the Czech Republic that is, for the most part, a delight. If you like your zombie comedy dark this one is for you, there is some extremely witty dialogue here that survives the translation to English, and some well set up gags.  A diverse group of people have traveled to a remote hotel to engage in a seminar to discover the meaning of existence. They are beset upon by "woodsmen zombies", or as one character describes them "woombies". It is never made entirely clear why these woodsmen have come out to hunt, we presume it involves a Czech myth of some kind.  The film is nicely paced, and there is a good amount of gore however it starts to unravel in the last 20 minutes. Suddenly a more powerful breed of woodsman shows up, they act with motivation and use weapons thus breaking Romero's laws. This is integral to the point that the film is trying to make though, so there is an internal logic. This film is a little hard to find, but if you're stuck without a better living dead film you should give this one a try. We enjoyed it, and think you will too.





Chopper Chicks In Zombietown 1992 - ** Not quite as bad as the title would suggest, and there are some great looking bitches naked.




City Of Rott 2006 - ** Cinema's first fully animated zombie film is quite enjoyable. In Rott city a crazed old man and his walker (which talks to him) are on a quest to find a pair of comfortable slippers. In order to do this they must fight their way through hordes of the undead. In this case the zombies are humans infiltrated by worms that cause their re-animation. The animation is primitive yet effective, and there are bucket fulls of animated gore. The one flaw of this film is its repetitive scenes. This interesting piece would have been better served with about 15 minutes of its running time left on the editing floor. One does hope for more in this vein in the future.





City Of The Walking Dead 1983 - ** (A.K.A. Nightmare City) The only problem here is that these zombies tend to act pretty human, e.g. running around, sometimes with human motivation. The saving grace of this film is that it has its funny moments (as most of these European productions do) and a good helping of realistic gore and nudity.





Cockneys VS Zombies  2012 - *** What a delightful entry to the genre.This is an effective combination of a heist caper and zombie film. The script is full of colorful characters including a pair of inept criminal brothers, a WW II veteran, an aged gangster, and savvy old age pensioners. Every aspect of this film is first rate. It boasts competent actors, great gore effects, and had us laughing throughout. Watch for a cameo from the then 87 year old Honor Blackman, Pussy Galore herself, and a great performance by our favorite British character actor Alan Ford. This one is a must see!





Colin 2008 - *** Now here's a new twist, a zombie film that follows the undead life of one zombie. Young Colin is bitten, and the viewer gets to share his journey as a newly turned zombie. Sure it's low budget and sometimes the shaky hand held camera can be off putting, but any fan of the genre should enjoy this fresh take. Good make-up and decent gore make this a must see.





Collapse 2010 - **1/2 AKA "Collapse of the Living Dead". Chris Mulkey (Twin Peaks, Boardwalk Empire) and his real life wife, television actress Karen Landry are the featured players in this interesting low budget film. You know how we are always asking for character driven genre movies? Well this one certainly qualifies. This is a tale of a struggling farmer trying to cope with the sudden loss of his daughter while trying to keep his family safe, or is it?
  This is a violent tale, but not brutally graphic, the makeup and effects are of an acceptable level as well.  Look for horror icon Linnea Quigley, who makes an all too brief appearance as well. What makes this one worth seeking out is the major plot twist, and that is all we can say while remaining spoiler free. This is not your typical zombie fare, and while slow at times, we are sure you will enjoy it.




Cowboys & Zombies 2010 - A.K.A. "The Dead And The Damned" *1/2 Hastily repackaged to take advantage of the release of "Cowboys And Aliens", this film's DVD cover makes two claims that you can clearly see above. Let's address the first one. "It's Deadwood - with zombies". Really is it full of rich characters who speak eloquent English laced with profanity ? Is it that deftly scripted ? I mean really, who wouldn't want to see a zombie outbreak in Deadwood. Picture it, Al Swearengen and his boys holed up in the barricaded Gem Saloon while zombies occupy the main street, a zombified Mr, Wu clawing at the front door trying to get in. Swearengen: "Dan would you please tell them whores to stay to their rooms and shut the fuck up. Johnny break out some peaches, it appears we may be here for the long haul. E.B.check our munitions situation. Do we have enough on hand to send these undead cocksuckers back from whence they came ? And would someone apprise me as to the whereabouts of that fucking Bullock"!!! We'd pay serious money to see this. Sadly this film stands up to no comparison to the television masterpiece.  As for the second claim, "Great effects, outlandish zombies, and a boat load of gore", this too is bullshit. A more appropriate description would be, "Mediocre gore, average zombies, and some random tit shots". There is little to mention as to what this film does right, so here are just a couple of things it does wrong. Don't name your bounty hunting protaganist Mortimer, but if you do try not to cast an actor with a ridiculously high voice. Don't make a western and then employ a modern rock soundtrack, it's too incongruous and takes you out of the movie. One song in particular has lyrics that go something like, "It's got to get better than this, so much better than this". That's exactly how we felt as viewers. "The Quick And The Undead" still reigns as the best feature length zombie western available.


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