Saturday, May 28, 2011


Fast Zombies With Guns 2009 - NO STARS  If you read these reviews regularly you know our attitude regarding fast zombies, so it was with great trepidation that we screened this one. Our instincts were on the money. Once in awhile a movie comes along that is so amazing in its ineptitude that we are simply aghast. You'd think we'd be used to it by this point, but nothing you've ever seen will prepare you for this fucking mess. Two of the movie's central characters encounter a man on the side of the road who has been attacked by a zombie. What should be a cool scene of disembowelment is ruined by the fact that the dude has what looks like doggie chew toys painted red placed on his mid section so as to appear as organs. But that isn't the worst part. He looks up at them and says, "Run as far and as fast away as you can". Now even a kid with an 8mm camera shooting a film in his backyard will call "cut" and re-shoot a scene when an "actor" blows a line. Apparently writer/director Bernie Woodell felt it was beneath him, he even puts it in the trailer below. This film is terrible in every aspect of artistic and technical endeavor. The camera work is horrendous, the sound almost as bad, and the script and acting brutal. This is some of the worst acting we've encountered, they must be people off the street. To add insult to injury these zombies aren't just fast, they are fast enough to chase down a speeding car. If they can't grab and bite you they shoot you, but enough -we've wasted too much of your time and ours on this utter pile of steaming dog shit. Shame on you Bernie Woodell, and damn you to Hell !!!

Fear Of The Living Dead 2010 - *** Filmed in Ottawa Canada with no real budget, this short film works despite it's financial limitations. We would like to see it expanded into a feature, as the plot twist works well. The gore and make up here again show what can be done with a little ingenuity and talented volunteers. Go to the official website and pick up a DVD for only $10.00, it contains a longer version of the film, and a ton of extras. Help first time director Randy Smith out today. The fifteen minute cut can be viewed below.

Feeding The Masses 2004 - * This story of a mobile television news crew in Providence, Rhode Island covering the events of a zombie plague is a thinly veiled swipe at the state of the media today. It addresses how the government controls what we see and hear on a daily basis. This is an interesting premise, but is hampered by its amateurishness. The acting and the gore are substandard, and though it has a short running of 80 minutes it seems long. The sets though and the costumes are authentic, and lend the air of a larger budget to the proceedings. There are moments when the satire is amusing and there is an interesting scene with a hooker/stripper? We did enjoy the last five minutes of the film simply for the dialogue that wraps it up.

Fido 2006 - *** This one is close to our hearts as it was filmed in Kelowna, British Columbia - Steve's home and James' home away from home. An anthropomorphic zombie comedy which takes place in a future that resembles 1950s America. (The Republicans must have won). Here zombies have been domesticated by the use of special collars, they do the menial tasks humans like to avoid. If a film about the walking dead can be considered heart warming, this one kind of is - a story about a boy and his zombie.

Flesh Eater 1994 - *** Bill Hinzman who is the first Romero zombie ever seen in "Night Of The Living Dead" directs, writes, and stars in this low budget piece. It has all the elements we like: inventive gore, nudity, and believable head shots. It borrows heavily from other films, but somehow that just makes it all the more enjoyable.

Flesh Eating Mothers 1989 - **1/2 What can we say ?'s not so bad. Excellent zombie Moms, and some well done, inventive gore.

Flight Of The Living Dead: Outbreak On A Plane 2007 - **1/2 Motherfucking zombies on a motherfucking plane. A genuinely enjoyable film featuring a great cast of character actors, the makeup and gore are excellent. It exceeded expectations.

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