Saturday, May 28, 2011

Welcome Fellow Zombie Lovers !!!

(This site contains strong language, gory violence, adult themes, nudity, and sexual situations. If you are under the age of consent go elsewhere. If you are a film maker or studio and don't like us using your trailer or other copyrighted material, be a dick and ask us to take them down. My goal is to promote these films, and bring them to the attention of fans.)

Long before the current resurgence in the popularity of the zombie movie genre or zombies in general, two men, James and Steve shared their enjoyment of these films. Together they watched dozens of zombie films, the good, the bad, and the atrocious. They diligently sought out every zombie movie they could find, and wrote reviews mainly for their own edification. Steve moved to a different city, and that seemingly put an end to that.... until now. With a renewed sense of purpose I will follow the calling, a largely unrewarding calling, I might add. On this site I will continue that work and review, not only EVERY Romero style zombie film ever made, but a myriad of others in the ever evolving landscape of living dead cinema. While I am first and foremost a follower of George A. Romero's canon, I will include films that cause zombification through viral outbreaks, parasites, infiltration by a hostile extraterrestrial force, radioactive waste, and the many other methods that have been conceived. In other words if it looks like a zombie and acts like a zombie is expected to by the viewing public you'll find it here.  Not included are films that feature blind skeletons in robes on horseback, Haitian style voodoo creatures, or the like. It is not enough just to have died and come back, or appear re-animated. All films given a three star review or higher are well made, enjoyable, and gory enough to keep the discerning viewers interest. Everything else will be given the rating it truly deserves. 

I will also review zombie short films both professional and amateur not only to give exposure to these film makers, but to give you, the reader, a chance to see them. I will post these shorts along with the review whenever possible. Short amateur films will get the same rating treatment, but they will issue stars subjectively in relation to other amateur efforts. I love people who have the balls to follow through on their passion even if the final product is less than satisfactory. Great care and consideration, not to mention countless hours in front of the television and big screen will allow me to compile what I hope will become the most comprehensive listing and rating of motion pictures featuring the Living Dead available anywhere. I hope this site becomes a useful reference tool to the reader, before you buy, rent, pay per view, download, or queue a zombie film I hope you will check here from your PC or mobile device first. It was designed so that you don't waste your time, money, or bandwidth.

The film list was originally started in the mid - 90s, so reviews have to be written for films made since then. I keep the reviews short, and try to avoid spoilers whenever possible. Also provided are the film's original trailers if they are available. This site will be updated as time permits, at this moment there are over 400 films that either have to be watched, reviewed, entered, or all three. I will do this as time permits, so check back often and please send me your thoughts. If I thought  something was mortifying in its sheer awfulness and you disagree let me know. Debate is the back bone of civilization. Also don't forget to bring to my attention any films you think I may have missed, or that you highly recommend. This is done by fans for fans.

Update: I try, Lord knows I try to keep the reviews coming on a timely basis. I have now passed the 200 mark, and you may have noticed that it is taking longer between reviews. The problem that I am experiencing is burn out, I have to take longer breaks to try and maintain any semblance of objectivity. Most of the films being shoved out on a monthly basis are just utter shit, so if I try to follow any kind of schedule I would just end up hating the genre that I love so much. Please bear with me, I will not stop until the mission is complete. Thanks for your support and encouragement!

James Saito

Follow us on Twitter: @ZombieFilmRevus
Like our page of Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/James-Saitos-Zombie-Movie-Rating-Guide/177933285593287

A


Abraham Lincoln Versus Zombies 2012 - **1/2 The whole premise that Abe Lincoln was a zombie slayer is precisely ludicrous enough to be wholly entertaining, but is it? Well, yes and no. Lincoln does kick some serious zombie ass with a weapon that resembles a Klingon Bat'leth, there are a couple of laugh out loud moments, and an interesting revisionist twist of history. The problem however is that while many zombies are slaughtered, none are killed with any imagination or innovation. We are not fans of C.G.I. head shots, and there are plenty to be found here. The film has a surprising lack of blood and proper gore, we figure that the zombies here were killed in maybe four different ways in an almost PG-13 fashion. 

The film itself looks like an HBO historical drama - the sets, wardrobe and make-up are suitably impressive. The glaring exception being the character of Stonewall Jackson whose beard was so fake looking that you're pulled out of the movie every time he appears onscreen. One feels that he is costumed for a high school play. The acting is quite solid, especially the portrayal of Lincoln by Bill Oberst Jr.

 


A Cadaver Christmas 2011 - ***And it came to pass that three men banded together to oppose the undead for the holidays. Could it be? Is there actually a film that is destined to be a seasonal favorite in the zombie film genre? Thankfully we can finally say yes. This film boasts a clever script, and is well acted by the leads who portray a janitor, a drunk, and a cop that has fallen from grace. This trio form an unlikely team to combat the re-animated, when a science professor's experiments go awry. That the film is shot grindhouse style with degraded picture and color just feels right somehow, as does the use of traditional Christmas music accompanying the splatter gore. We were pleased that first time writer/director Joe Zerull included some sequences of mayhem that we've always wanted to see in a genre film. Zerull manages to combine the right amount of nudity, gore, and uh...necrophilia to make this a heartwarming holiday classic. I can add that last sentence to the list of things I never thought I'd type.




Action Girls: Soldiers Of The Dead Part 1  2005 - NO STARS Where does one even begin when trying to describe this sexploitation garbage? In one of the longest prefilm title sequences in cinematic history we are told that a virus has wiped out most of mankind. Survivors have gravitated to gangs; the worst being run by a man named Helman, and yes it is a gang of neo-nazis. His right hand man, er woman is a ripoff of Ilsa AKA She Wolf of the SS, and together they enslave women and make them fight nude in the arena Spartacus style.
Where do the zombies come in ?  Well the Ilsa type character Adrianna discovers a lab during a raid that contains a secret formula for creating super soldiers, can you say Captain America ? She begins injecting the serum, which is a ripoff of the reagent in "Re-Animator", into the dead. The result is identical as well, as the subjects wake up as mindless, enraged woman beating machines. There are your zombies folks, they look normal and just run around yelling an awful lot. At one point in a ridiculous battle sequence they even exhibit wrestling prowess. The film's plot jumps back and forth to the point where one doesn't know if what they are seeing is a flashback or not anymore. There is also very little dialogue, and when the neo-nazis speak it is subtitled for no good reason. We love nudity as much as the next guy, but this borders on the gratuitous -  it isn't even titillating. The film makers at actiongirls.com don't seem to hold women in too high a regard either. There are more just downright nasty acts of violence performed on the girls here than we've seen in quite some time. A women is chained in a cell, suddenly we see her getting attacked by rats. To add insult to injury the first zombie we see bursts into the cell and beats the living fuck out of her. Another scene involves a women being beaten repeatedly across the stomach with a bar as she dangles from the ceiling. The action sequences here are poorly choreographed, the story derivative, the acting substandard, and the "zombies" a joke. We were going to say that this film was made for only the most attention deficient, prepubescent gamers out there, but then we recalled they actually are used to more story than is provided here. When we checked out the film's website to find its release date (it is not listed on IMDB, Hmmm) we saw reviews from some credible sources like Dread Central that sang its praises. We can only conclude therefore that they were paid. If the film makers would like to pay us to improve this review don't hesitate to contact us. Just a stipend would suffice for making us endure your little film. In closing since this is part 1 and six years have passed, we think it is safe to say the sequel isn't going to happen. We are thankful.



After Sundown 2006 - * The poster above would have you believe that this is a zombie movie, and it sort of is. In reality it is a vampire film first and foremost. It is a predictable tale about some vamps from the old west who are resurrected to wreak havoc in the modern day. The Master vamp has the ability to make the dead do his bidding, thus the zombies. This film is a mess, poorly told, and overall just a waste of the viewers time. It would be OK we suppose for the vampire completist, but for the zombie fan skip it. The single star is for the obvious care and effort the film makers took to organize the shooting of the mass zombie scenes. They are the only thing the film does well. That they changed the DVD cover to exploit the zombie fan speaks volumes.



The Alchemist 1981 - ** Nothing special to speak of, just a decent film to watch if you're bored one evening. It's redeemed by a few scenes of decent gore.



The Alien Dead 1980 - * We'll admit the zombie make up is good, but there is no gore to speak of. The production values and script are terrible. There is no trailer available, surprise, surprise. However for your edification the first ten minutes of the film are below.



A Little Bit Zombie 2012 - **1/2 Steve was unavailable when we found out at the last minute that this film was playing in Kelowna during a limited theatrical run in its native Canada. So my girlfriend Susan and I went to the 7:15 showing on a Thursday night. This would be only the second time in my life that my companion and I were the only ones in the whole theater, it did make us feel kind of bad for the film makers. Later as we were driving home I asked her what she thought of the film. Her response went something like, "It was pretty funny, I wish that cunt would have gotten eaten in the end". Now bear in mind Susan is not much of a zombie film enthusiast, yet she hit the nail right on the head.

 It is indeed a funny movie, but one must be warned that if you are looking for an over the top gore fest this is not the film for you. There is some zombie killing at the beginning of the film by a zombie hunter character played by Stephen McHattie (Pontypool), but the focus here is on the predicament of a young HR exec named Steve. Steve is engaged to Tina (the aforementioned cunt) and they are on a getaway to the family cabin with Steve's sister Sarah (Kristen Hager who plays Nora on the U.S. version of "Being Human") and her husband Craig. While at the cabin Steve is bitten by a mosquito who has recently drained some blood off of one of the undead, which starts his transformation into a zombie. The zombies in this outing are of "The Return Of The Living Dead" style, shambling along uttering, "Braiiins". Steve's desire for brains, his search for them, and how this all effects the relationship with his peers round out the action. McHattie's zombie hunter character and his assistant are there to complicate things for the foursome as they try to adjust. 

There are many laughs to be had here, the acting is high calibre, and though there are few gore effects here, they are first rate. This film was made on a budget of just under two million dollars in the greater Sudbury area of Ontario. I believe this is the first time that I've seen dozens of people listed in the end credits who donated to the project. I am always wary of such financial pleas for production money, but I hope this is typical of the kind of quality one can expect from such endeavors . We recommend this one, and hey it even makes a great date movie.



American Zombie 2007 - 1/2* This mockumentary revolving around the lives and travails of self aware zombies is like three movies in one. The zombies as social metaphor aspect is transparent and the film makers beat it to death. On another level it tries to be a dark comedy, it fails. The third act tries for an actual zombie vibe that, all things considered, is too little too late. The only thing that we came away with was shitty individuals make shitty zombies. The production values and acting are very good, but in the end the question we asked each other was, "why bother making this boring pseudo intellectual fluff"? Not recommended to those looking for violence or a typical zombie outing.



Apocalypse Of The Dead 2009 - *** (A.K.A. Zone Of The Dead) We had seen a lot of bad reviews of this film that essentially said it was horrible. We have to totally disagree. This is an excellent zombie movie, which features the best zombie make up we've seen in a long time. We will agree that at times the pacing is off. Scenes of character development come off as boring rather than revealing. The script is the weak point. Other reviewers took shots at the acting. Well, it's a medium budget zombie film. "Dawn Of The Dead's" Ken Foree would be the biggest name, and yeah it's not great acting by Hollywood standards. However if you watch as many of these films as we do, you know that there are faaaaaar, faaaaar worse acting performances in this genre. Most of the gore is provided by head shots, there is one intestinal scene, these scenes are done professionally and are quite satisfying. There is a secondary character, a zombie killer, who serves no other purpose but to increase the violence. Most of the intimate moments that try to manipulate you to care for these characters are clunky and non effective.  If someone was to re-cut this movie to reduce its running length by ten minutes it would be beneficial. Don't let the other bad reviews fool you, trust us it's worth it.



Apocalypse Z 2013 - 1/2* A.K.A." Zombie Massacre". To quote our friend Brad Gullickson, who is one of the writers at the excellent, "In The Mouth Of Dorkness", 
 http://inthemouthofdorkness.blogspot.ca/ "UWE BOLL MUST DIE !!!

This film, which was shot in Germany and Italy, is as hackneyed and cliche as could possibly be. The story seems to be cobbled together from a number of past zombie efforts by a teenager trying to write his first screenplay. The U.S. government is trying to create a super soldier, and of course there is a mishap that turns the residents of a small European town into infected, zombie like creatures. So the President, played by Uwe Fucking Boll himself, in a ludicrous performance given his Euro Weenie accent, has his people put together a group of mercenaries to clean shit up.The mercenaries include a Scottish explosives expert who tries his best to sound like James Doohan in Star Trek, a misogynistic sniper, and a redheaded female assassin trained in the orient.

 The dialogue here is juvenile, the gore is sub standard (CGI blood), and one wonders where the one million dollar budget was spent. It certainly wasn't spent on actors because there wasn't one within 50 miles of where this film was shot. It's always amusing watching European actors trying to portray American stereotypes, rednecks, etc. but it just isn't enough here. The half star we're awarding here is for the zombie make up, a merciful running time of 83 minutes, and some entirely gratuitous nudity during the film's "shocking" ending, which were the only redeeming features of this mess.



Army Of Darkness 1993 - **** I know, a few movies in and we're already breaking our own rules. They may not be Romero type zombies, but one has to include this film, it's Ash baby. The third film in the "Evil Dead" trilogy may not be as entertaining as its predecessors and leans towards camp, but is still highly entertaining.



Autumn 2009 - **1/2 We have a certain affection for this film, and not just because it is Canadian made. Other reviewers have called it boring, we disagree to a point. While it is true that it is slow moving, and there is no actual zombie violence to speak of: it is an interesting psychological slice of life piece. The zombie movie genre is reaching the point that there is nothing new under the sun except inventing new methods of zombie disposal. This film in which 99% of mankind is wiped out by a virus only to rise again is almost more frightening without the usual violence associated. The dead here are attracted by sound, and they are plentiful in number. At first they shamble about, but as time passes they start becoming more like the Romero standard. They are not menacing early in the film, making one wonder what it would be like to survive in a world where the rotting dead are just there. They look in the window, if you make noise they come to you like a fly to shit. Yes, at two hours it does plod along, but the fantastic make-up and the characters reaction to their new environment make it worthwhile. Also the late David Carradine makes an appearance as a man who has lost his mind from desolation and loss, a cameo part really. Apart from the fact that this film would be better served with a re-edit to reduce it's running time by 20 minutes or so, we recommend it. Just don't go in expecting a lot of the usual action and gore.



Aye, Dead On 2012 - ** The first in what promises to be a number of shorts about the misadventures of a couple of metal heads during the apocalypse in Belfast is pretty enjoyable. We have a slight quibble with the make-up quality, but that can be corrected. A decent first effort, Rock On Boys !!!

B


The Battery 2012 - **1/2 "In baseball, the term battery refers collectively to the pitcher and the catcher, who may also be called batterymen or batterymates of one another". (Wikipedia)

When we say this is a low budget film we mean it, it was shot for $6000.00. This does not detract from this tale of Ben and Mickey, two youngish baseball players who find themselves trying to survive and cope with one another's disparate personalities during the apocalypse.

This slice of life tale is engaging from start to finish largely due to its realism. The two act and respond to events around them the way normal people would given the circumstances, and this makes both characters endearing for different reasons.

The film was written, directed by, and stars Jeremy Gardner who clearly has talent in all of these aspects. We hope that he is given the opportunity to try his hand at larger projects. We recommend this film without reservation.



Beyond Re-Animator 2003 - **1/2 This third installment in the Re-Animator series feels like a bit of a let down after waiting thirteen years for its arrival. Jeffrey Combs returns as Herbert West, who finds himself in jail for his crimes. It isn't long before he gets his hands on his reagent and mayhem ensues. There is a decent amount of well done gore, one wishes there would have been more. Though it is by far the weakest of the trilogy, it is still well worth a look. Producer Brian Yuzna has said that he has plans for a second trilogy, "House Of Re-Animator", "Re-Animator Unbound", and "Re-Animator Begins". Let's hope he can get the financing needed for such a large venture, and they can get scripts to match the quality of the earlier films.



BFF Zombie 2012 - ** This is an amusing 22 minute short film that we remember reading about at Kickstarter some time ago. It is well made, and gave us a chuckle at its climax. The makeup is well done, though we would have preferred the violence more graphic. We present the full version below for your enjoyment.



Bloodlust Zombies 2011 - * First the good news. We got quite a few laughs watching this, though most of them were not intentional on the part of the film makers. Now for the bad. The most well known actor here is porn star Alexis Texas, this should speak volumes. Overall the acting is very bad, the script is amateurish, and so are the gore effects. These are not Romero zombies as they are created by a viral agent to aid in the war effort. The film does though contain enough nudity, and ridiculous dialogue to make it entertaining in a very "B" way. We'd recommend it for bad movie night, but most certainly not as a zombie film for the enthusiast.



Bloodsuckers From Outer Space 1986 - * Is this a comedy ? A parody ? Certainly it is a Troma film derivative, without Troma's cleverness. Check out the sample below if you must for a small sample.



Bride Of Re-Animator 1990 - ***1/2 Though not quite as inspired as the original, it is time well spent for the gore and more. One of the better sequels in the horror genre. As soon as one hears the Re-Animator theme you know you're in for a treat, we are huge Jeffrey Combs fans.



Burial Ground 1985 - ** Also known as "Zombie 3: Nights Of Terror". A very mediocre Italian entry known mostly for it's truly creepy incestuous scene near the end with an odd looking man-child, and ridiculous looking zombies. We can't resist after the trailer is the notorious incest scene courtesy of youtube. Oedipus be damned, I love you Ma !!!



Burn Big Bird, Burn 2011 - *** We present an enjoyable little short film from our Twitter friends James and Dean from http://www.zombiepuppetmovie.com/.The animation is as impressive as the premise, and we are looking forward to their first feature length zombie puppet film. Check it out below:

C


Cannon Fodder 2013 - *1/2 Did you know that a zombie film had been produced in Israel? Neither did we, so we were naturally curious to see what a genre movie from the Middle East would have in store. What we discovered is that whatever your race, creed, religious or political affiliations, you can still produce mediocre zombie cinema.They say there is nothing new under the sun, and this film is a sterling example of that axiom.

A retired soldier is brought out of retirement to rescue a Doctor who may have a cure, blah, blah. The zombies are well done and convincing, but the majority of the gore is CGI, including the blood. Doesn't anyone insist on practical effects anymore? Actually we watched the trailer for the new Dolph Lundgren film, "Battle of the Damned" the other day, and it pretty much looks like the same movie with added robots. This is one of those movies you could watch when you're bored, and it will help pass the time, but expect little more than that.




Campus Of The Living Dead 2006 - ** This short film was brought to our attention by its maker Mark Wall. It is a prime example of what can be done on a limited budget. We won't even guess what the budget was, but it is an enjoyable short piece. We hope Mark makes more films in the future, as this short shows great promise. Please check it out in its entirety below, and let us know what you think.




Cemetery Man 1994 - **** AKA "Dellamorte Dellemore". The best film in the genre since "Dead Alive". Sit back and enjoy, while slow at times this film does not disappoint. Excellent gore, nudity, script, and production values.




Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things 1972 - ** A typical low budget film of this era. It is badly shot, acted, and produced however it still makes decent zombie fare in a dark room.




The Chilling 1989 - * Linda Blair, Dan Haggerty, and Troy Donahue.....does one need say more ? The make up is so so, and there is a little gore.




Choking Hazard 2004 -  **1/2 What do you get when you cross a blind philosopher, an existential getaway camp, a Jehovah Witness porn star, and zombies? You get this film from the Czech Republic that is, for the most part, a delight. If you like your zombie comedy dark this one is for you, there is some extremely witty dialogue here that survives the translation to English, and some well set up gags.  A diverse group of people have traveled to a remote hotel to engage in a seminar to discover the meaning of existence. They are beset upon by "woodsmen zombies", or as one character describes them "woombies". It is never made entirely clear why these woodsmen have come out to hunt, we presume it involves a Czech myth of some kind.  The film is nicely paced, and there is a good amount of gore however it starts to unravel in the last 20 minutes. Suddenly a more powerful breed of woodsman shows up, they act with motivation and use weapons thus breaking Romero's laws. This is integral to the point that the film is trying to make though, so there is an internal logic. This film is a little hard to find, but if you're stuck without a better living dead film you should give this one a try. We enjoyed it, and think you will too.





Chopper Chicks In Zombietown 1992 - ** Not quite as bad as the title would suggest, and there are some great looking bitches naked.




City Of Rott 2006 - ** Cinema's first fully animated zombie film is quite enjoyable. In Rott city a crazed old man and his walker (which talks to him) are on a quest to find a pair of comfortable slippers. In order to do this they must fight their way through hordes of the undead. In this case the zombies are humans infiltrated by worms that cause their re-animation. The animation is primitive yet effective, and there are bucket fulls of animated gore. The one flaw of this film is its repetitive scenes. This interesting piece would have been better served with about 15 minutes of its running time left on the editing floor. One does hope for more in this vein in the future.





City Of The Walking Dead 1983 - ** (A.K.A. Nightmare City) The only problem here is that these zombies tend to act pretty human, e.g. running around, sometimes with human motivation. The saving grace of this film is that it has its funny moments (as most of these European productions do) and a good helping of realistic gore and nudity.





Cockneys VS Zombies  2012 - *** What a delightful entry to the genre.This is an effective combination of a heist caper and zombie film. The script is full of colorful characters including a pair of inept criminal brothers, a WW II veteran, an aged gangster, and savvy old age pensioners. Every aspect of this film is first rate. It boasts competent actors, great gore effects, and had us laughing throughout. Watch for a cameo from the then 87 year old Honor Blackman, Pussy Galore herself, and a great performance by our favorite British character actor Alan Ford. This one is a must see!





Colin 2008 - *** Now here's a new twist, a zombie film that follows the undead life of one zombie. Young Colin is bitten, and the viewer gets to share his journey as a newly turned zombie. Sure it's low budget and sometimes the shaky hand held camera can be off putting, but any fan of the genre should enjoy this fresh take. Good make-up and decent gore make this a must see.





Collapse 2010 - **1/2 AKA "Collapse of the Living Dead". Chris Mulkey (Twin Peaks, Boardwalk Empire) and his real life wife, television actress Karen Landry are the featured players in this interesting low budget film. You know how we are always asking for character driven genre movies? Well this one certainly qualifies. This is a tale of a struggling farmer trying to cope with the sudden loss of his daughter while trying to keep his family safe, or is it?
  This is a violent tale, but not brutally graphic, the makeup and effects are of an acceptable level as well.  Look for horror icon Linnea Quigley, who makes an all too brief appearance as well. What makes this one worth seeking out is the major plot twist, and that is all we can say while remaining spoiler free. This is not your typical zombie fare, and while slow at times, we are sure you will enjoy it.




Cowboys & Zombies 2010 - A.K.A. "The Dead And The Damned" *1/2 Hastily repackaged to take advantage of the release of "Cowboys And Aliens", this film's DVD cover makes two claims that you can clearly see above. Let's address the first one. "It's Deadwood - with zombies". Really is it full of rich characters who speak eloquent English laced with profanity ? Is it that deftly scripted ? I mean really, who wouldn't want to see a zombie outbreak in Deadwood. Picture it, Al Swearengen and his boys holed up in the barricaded Gem Saloon while zombies occupy the main street, a zombified Mr, Wu clawing at the front door trying to get in. Swearengen: "Dan would you please tell them whores to stay to their rooms and shut the fuck up. Johnny break out some peaches, it appears we may be here for the long haul. E.B.check our munitions situation. Do we have enough on hand to send these undead cocksuckers back from whence they came ? And would someone apprise me as to the whereabouts of that fucking Bullock"!!! We'd pay serious money to see this. Sadly this film stands up to no comparison to the television masterpiece.  As for the second claim, "Great effects, outlandish zombies, and a boat load of gore", this too is bullshit. A more appropriate description would be, "Mediocre gore, average zombies, and some random tit shots". There is little to mention as to what this film does right, so here are just a couple of things it does wrong. Don't name your bounty hunting protaganist Mortimer, but if you do try not to cast an actor with a ridiculously high voice. Don't make a western and then employ a modern rock soundtrack, it's too incongruous and takes you out of the movie. One song in particular has lyrics that go something like, "It's got to get better than this, so much better than this". That's exactly how we felt as viewers. "The Quick And The Undead" still reigns as the best feature length zombie western available.


D



Dance Of The Dead  2008 - **1/2 This one just missed. It could have been a very good film except that it is hampered by its own inconsistencies.  There is a zombie invasion on Prom night, and the only people who can stop it are the nerd boys from the school's sci-fi club.

 The character set up in the first quarter of the film was quite witty and had a lot of humor. It is when the zombies themselves are introduced that the film suffers from a lack of internal logic. Some zombies are slow, some run, some talk, and worst of all, some drive cars. If one can get past these flaws there is a sufficient amount of decent gore involved, and the odd interesting kill. There are certainly worse films in the genre, this one isn't a complete waste of time, worth a viewing. 
   
         


Danger ! 50,000 Zombies ! 2004 - 1/2 * This half hour spoof by Nick Frost of his own TV series, "Danger !50,000 Volts !" also features his partner in crime Simon Pegg. I found it to be an utter waste of time. It is supposed to be a documentary on how to survive a zombie attack, unfortunately it isn't clever, imaginative, or funny. It is not widely available in North America, so below is a taste. You were warned.

 


Dawn Of The Dead 1978 - ***** What can ya say ? This is the film that is the blueprint for all zombie films to follow !!! George A Romero's vision, Tom Savini's special effects, the camp, the music of "Goblin", and the silly performances make this a classic horror masterpiece. In my humble opinion the greatest zombie film ever produced.



Dawn Of The Dead 2004 - ** The first needless remake of a Romero classic. It bears no resemblance to the original. It does have some imaginative gore twists though that make it watchable. The baby zombie is a nice touch, and answers the question of whether a pregnant woman who is bitten passes along the disease in utero.

  


Dawna The Dead 2008 - 1/4* A.K.A. "Dawna Of The Dead". Where does this porn film succeed? It is aged with lines and screen flaws, so during a few early scenes it evokes memories of 70's Italian horror films. That's really all the kindness I can muster; it's failures are glaring and numerous. All of the action takes place in a cemetery at night, and the person in charge of lighting the set is apparently devoid of any technical savvy, rendering most scenes too dark to see a Goddamn thing. 

Dawna's boyfriend has recently passed away. The cemetery he's buried in is the 6th gate of the 9 gates of Hell. Naturally she goes to visit his casket to masturbate on it. After climaxing, her ejaculate drips from her fingers onto the ground, which causes the dead to rise. The Risen then skull fuck a couple of women to death, turning them into zombies too. Yes you read that correctly, they ram their dicks into the women's mouths so hard that they break through the back of their skulls. This special effect is created by showing the back of a fake head with a wig on it suddenly developing a perfectly round hole which is accompanied by a popping sound. The only other gore scene of note is a female walker gnawing on intestines ,which are obviously a large sausage (not that kind, see the pic above). 

When you add unattractive porn stars, a largely incoherent plot, and being unable to see the actual sex because of poor image quality to the mix it makes enduring this nonsense taxing. I did check out the IMBD and was amused to find some credits that would look great on a resume. One actress was listed as "Anal Zombie" and another as "Ass To Mouth Zombie". Their parents must be so proud. This whole zombie porn thing still makes me shake my head. If this is what really floats your boat you will be disappointed.



 Dawn Of The Living Dead 2004 - 1/2(A.K.A. Evil Grave: Curse Of The Maya) When the top billed cast of a film are David Heavener the writer/director, Joe Estevez, and Todd Bridges you know that the enjoyment prospects of the next 90 minutes of your life are dubious at best. The plot here is immaterial, it has something to do with a murder of a Mayan family, a woman released from a mental hospital, tedious flashback and dream sequences, a moon which multiplies, the day of the dead, the smuggling of Mexicans, blah, blah, blah. Bridges has a non speaking role as a "slight retard" with bad teeth. There is a scene where Estevez imposes his girth on the heroine in an act of non consensual sex that will be hard to scrub from ones mind. The film also boasts one of the most ridiculous endings in recent memory. The single star is for the gore, which is quite well done, as well as for the birth of a zombie. The scene with the baby zombie is so........laughable. This is a real piece of shite, only for the real zombie completist.



The Day It Came To Earth 1977 - 1/4*   This film stars George Gobel as a geological expert who somehow becomes embroiled in a zombie's revenge upon the Mafiosos who had him murdered. Need I say more ? A truly punishing viewing experience.


Day Of The Dead 1985 - ****1/2 I was initially disappointed in this film when I saw it in its Canadian theatrical version. Then one day I got a hold of the uncut version, which wasn't available here until the mid 90s. With all the gore footage restored I can say that this too is a Romero masterpiece that grows more brilliant upon subsequent viewings. The scene where Sgt. Rhodes meets his demise is still one of the best deaths in zombie film history.



Day Of The Dead 2008 - * Mena Suvari is horribly miscast in this second totally unnecessary remake of a classic. The only thing the two films have in common is that there are soldiers in them. An inferior film in every aspect that tries to benefit from association with the great Romero.Watch if you must, otherwise don't sully your memories.




Day Of The Dead 2: Contagium 2005 - NO STARS There are so many reasons to hate this film it's hard to know where to start.  Hell I'll just list them: 1). The Script - The first 5 minutes of this film are the best, it actually shows some promise as soldiers combat zombies. Unfortunately the next hour chronicling the lives of patients and doctors at a mental hospital is replete with pseudo science, lengthy and nonsensical exposition, characters you just don't give a shit about, and is completely, utterly boring.

 You don't get any more undead action until the 1:06 mark, and then you wish you hadn't, as the third act is surprisingly worse than than all that has preceded it; leading to a mind numbingly stupid ending. Not to mention the fact that for a supposed sequel it has absolutely nothing to do with either of the films above. It is apparent that the writer is not well versed in the genre, and holds it in little regard.

  2). The Acting - If you took a man off the street and had him read lines from a teleprompter you would get a more believable performance than anything that is on display here.  3). The Make-up And Effects - Sure, this is small budget, but the zombie's make-up is terrible, the dead bodies look phony and the lack of talent in these departments is clearly evident on the screen.  4). The Zombies - There is nothing that makes my blood boil more than talking zombies. 

5). Taking Romero's Name In Vain - This is easily the worst offender to try to legitimize itself by association with a Romero motion picture. It is made even worse because the film strives so earnestly to cement a spot in zombie lore by trying to explain the origin of the undead. 

According to the IMDB Writer/Co-Director Ana Clavell makes her living this way:  "Her specialty is re-writing, directing and re-purposing intellectual properties". In my mind that translates as "she writes shitty sequels to other peoples work, fucking with established canon just to earn undeserved profit off of their coat tails; she is a parasite".

 Shame on you Ana!!! Shame on every one involved in the making of this sub standard, poorly written, entirely unnecessary piece of celluloid excrement!    




 Days Of Darkness (2007) - A ragtag group try to survive a zombie outbreak while holed up in a military base in this poorly conceived, poorly executed, and mediocre film. A comet hits the Earth releasing a parasitic life form that transforms those who inhale them into what resembles Romero style zombies. The parasite tries to reproduce by wreaking havoc with human sexual organs; penises and testes fall off to be replaced by a sac containing parasite/human hybrids. Females seem to be pregnant with what appears to be giant shrimp with multiple appendages, one of which looks like a barbed penis.

 When all is said and done, all it takes to kill the parasites is alcohol; as stupid a premise as I've run across in recent memory.  This is a muddled tale where one really needs the pseudo scientific exposition spouted by the protagonist to get the slightest gist of what is transpiring. 

The characters here are truly one dimensional archetypes; virgin (pregnant), macho movie bit actor, token black and homosexual, religious zealot, porn star, etc. etc. They spout largely mundane dialogue and do predictably stupid things.The single star I'm giving this is for some decent gore and a bit of nudity that made viewing this dog somewhat bearable.




 Day X 2005 - 1/2* Another 28 Days scenario, the enemy here are of the infected variety, not zombies. Hell, the main character points this out at least twice.

 A group of folks are trapped together as a government made virus is accidentally, or not so accidentally released upon the American populace. Together they must try to survive blah, blah, blah. Most of the gore, apart from gunshots, takes place in the dark, so it is difficult to gauge their quality. It wasn't so bad as to be unwatchable, but it is a low budget effort with absolutely nothing to recommend it.

                                      
                        

The Dead 2010 - **** Now this is what I've waited for, this makes the countless hours of sub standard cinema worthwhile. What we have here is an actual zombie HORROR film; there is nary a trace of comedy (well, there is a darkly hilarious line delivered by one character) or smirking parody so common in the genre lately. I would easily go out on a limb and say it is in my top six zombie films of all time. This simple tale of an American Air Force engineer named Murphy whose plane crashes on the African coast as he is trying to escape the zombie outbreak, is a film that George Romero should have made rather than his weaker efforts of late. 

As Murphy seeks means to survive, his life is saved by African soldier Sgt. Dembele whose village has been wiped out, and who is looking for his son.  They forge a deal to help them meet their respective needs, and set out on a journey together, trying to survive along the way. 

Every aspect of this film is satisfying. The cinematography captures the beauty and scale of its African setting, the acting is believable, the makeup is flawless, and the violence superbly executed. The soundtrack music here is sparse, but it isn't necessary; there are many moments of true suspense that music would only detract from. 

Where this film truly succeeds for the fan is that it is believable. The characters respond to threats like real people would. It made me ask myself questions while I viewed it like, "where the hell would I find water"? or "if I was alone, where and how would I sleep"? 

The film was written and directed by brothers Howard and Jonathan Ford who have stated that the film was an homage to Romero, and it shows. It looks and feels like a Romero film of the eighties. I look forward to more from these two, and would love to see the zombie epic they could make with a large budget. This one is a must see, a truly sublime example of the potential of zombie cinema.



 Dead & Breakfast 2004 - **1/2 The problem with this film is I can't recommend it, but neither can I condemn it. It has funny moments and gory moments, but somehow just misses the mark. They aren't any zombies in the Romero sense, as they are reanimated through magic. The most enjoyable aspect of this movie are the interludes with the narrator who reveals the plot through profanity laden country music. Oh, it also features zombie line dancing. The movie suffers from having a first half that developed a  promise it couldn't deliver on. The gore effects were merely okay, but did have some originality.




 Dead Air 2009 - ** This film reunites "The Night Of The Living Dead" remake's Bill Moseley and Patricia Tallman. Many have been the comparisons made between this film and "Pontypool". Though they both take place in a radio station and the story revolves around a small cast, that really is all they have in common.

 This is an enjoyable film that rises above its budget. It relies on an ever increasing dread about what is happening in the world outside the station for the first half, and has some well done zombie mob scenes. And yes they are zombies; you see a couple them rise after being killed. If the biologically infected aren't zombies, then so much for "28 Days Later" and the like.

 The thinly veiled underlying theme of the script is the effect fear, paranoia, and intolerance have on each of us. The acting is believable, Moseley is a very good actor who I wish would be allowed to stretch his muscles outside the horror genre more frequently. Pat Tallman's performance was very strong as usual, though I wish they would have given her character more to do.

 This is not a gore fest, though there is one very interesting effect on a head shot. Like "Pontypool" it is a small budget film, with its own merits. An enjoyable way to spend a couple of hours.




 Dead Alive 1992 - ****1/2 AKA "Braindead" Peter Jackson's third film is a veritable feast of dark humor, and arguably the goriest zombie movie ever made. A truly inventive film for its time, it answers the age old question, "if I had to kill a large number of the walking dead, how would I do it" ? A lawn mower of course. If you enjoy this you should check out Jackson's earlier film "Bad Taste".




 Dead And Deader 2006 - *After writing the abysmal "House Of The Dead" and its somewhat better sequel Mark Altman, the original fan boy, produced this script which thinks it's far more clever than it actually is.

 This film produced for television by Starz had me feeling like I was viewing a movie of the week or a zombie after school special. It fairly reeks of television. 

 Dean Cain plays a soldier who comes back from the dead with his faculties intact to combat the undead on an army base. Along the way he adopts a black sidekick and a hot babe to assist him; standard stuff with a lot of pseudo science thrown in.

  The cast consists of a smorgasbord of TV actors in bit parts, Star Trek alumni Armin Shimerman and John Billingsley to name a few. The make-up here is not bad, but the gore effects are rather poor given the budget. Though not terrible, it is very, very average.




Dead Before Dawn 3D 2012 - NO STARS Look at the poster above, it will explain what a zemon is. That's all you really need to know about this drivel. I believe it was conceived as a teen comedy - it is devoid of anything remotely funny. 

This is an inane movie that I will sum up thusly: Unfunny, Uninteresting, Unnecessary, Unwatchable. 


Dead Clowns 2004 - 1/2* What a piece of garbage; sick garbage to boot - clowns. This films only merit is how unintentionally funny it is, it just lends itself to riffing.

 The zombie clown make-up is terrible, reminiscent of bad 70s films from Italy. These clowns have been underwater for decades, but when they walk the earth again they are decomposed, while their little clown outfits and huge shoes look brand spanking new.

 Horror Scream Queen Brinke Stevens is listed in the credits as "The Story Teller", it should have been, "Woman who recites overly lengthy exposition in monotone". 




 Dead Genesis 2010 - *** There seems to be a renaissance happening in the Canadian zombie film world. Films like "A Little Bit Zombie", "Exit Humanity", and this film feature a broad range of storytelling that is both exciting and invigorating to the genre.

 I really liked this film. Does it have a large budget? No, quite a small one in reality. These films do not get produced without the help of many people volunteering their time and expertise. A lot of talented people were involved here. As with any small budget feature, it is somewhat limited in that some of the acting is a little suspect, but that really is the only negative comment one can make. 

 There will be some who will complain about the sometimes shaky handheld camera work, but it fits in nicely with the premise of the film. The movie takes place around seven months after the beginning of the apocalypse. The military is proving insufficient against the numbers of the dead, so the government sanctions groups of civilian hunters to help in the "War On Dead". 

Without spoiling anything, the story revolves around a journalist who wants to make a documentary about one of these groups. She is allowed to follow a unit called "The Deadheads" and interview them, and she ultimately gets more than she bargained for in the process.

  The opening scene of this movie is without a doubt one of the most disturbing and effective scenes that I've seen in years.Writer/director Reese Eveneshen is to be commended for a script that fleshes out its characters, and contains one or two scenes that I've always wanted to see depicted.

 The quality of the make-up, gore effects, and soundtrack far surpass the limitations of the budget. It is vastly better than similarly budgeted films like, say, the "Deadlands" series, why? Young would be film makers pay attention here - because it tells an interesting story. I recommend this one, and no, not just because Iam Canadian and fiercely proud of it.




 Deadheads 2011 - ***1/2 Certainly not your typical zombie film, but certainly one of the more enjoyable films in recent memory.

 The plot revolves around Mike, who wakes up to find that he is a member of the living dead. He soon meets Brent, and together they set off on a hilarious and violent journey to re-unite Mike with his girl friend Ellie. There are many twists and turns to the plot, and a cast of colorful characters.

 I won't spoil anything, like why these two retain their humanity while surrounded by normal zombies, but I will say that the performance by Ross Kidder as Brent is pitch perfect.

 Convincing gore, impressive make-up details, and a well crafted script combine to form the funniest zombedy I've ever seen. Don't get the wrong impression, but it is actually rather heart warming in parts. I don't often say this, but this is one film that deserves the sequel treatment. A highly recommended movie.




 Deadlands 2: Trapped - 1/2* I had heard some good things about this low budget indie film by Gary Ugarek. Ugarek who serves as writer, editor, and director here proves himself inept at all three. The script is amateurish, the acting atrocious and one wonders why this film was even made.

 It is not so much a zombie film as the story of 5 people trapped in a movie theater trying to reason their way out of a bad situation, and poorly at that.  The zombies themselves are passable; however there is an utter lack of gore due the constraints of a $6000.00 budget. There are only a couple of scenes of people falling prey to the undead, and I can't recall a gory zombie death at all. 

To add insult to injury, the only nudity involved takes place in a strip bar, and the stripper in question possesses the ugliest pair of fun bags I've ever seen.  Everything about this production is sub par. We are told that this film is leaps and bounds better than its predecessor, "Deadlands: The Rising". I was going to review it first, but am having trouble finding a copy...Hmmm.

 When the best thing you can say about a movie is that it only has a 82 minute running time it's a sad testament. Skip this one.



 Dead Meat 2004 - **1/2 As far as I know this is the only living dead film produced in Ireland. It does have slow moments, but also has some genuinely creepy scenes. The gore effects are quite good, but I do have one slight quibble: the zombies tend to use weapons in the early part of the film. Definitely worth a viewing however.



 Dead Men Walking (2005) - *** I have a theoretical template for a zombie film; it goes something like this: Take some pieces of paper and write five interesting ways to kill a zombie on each, now put three interesting ways for a zombie, or zombies to kill a human on three more pieces. Label more pieces of paper with the following: exposition: carpentry scene (reinforcing your shelter), and origin. Now simply put all the pieces in a hat, and draw them out one by one. This is the story structure for your film. Now write your screenplay around it. If you actually use this, please give me a credit. 

As you are probably too well aware, the biggest complaint people have with this genre is that all the films tell the same story over and over again. This is not necessarily a bad thing however. This film is an obvious homage to the Romero films made up to that time. A tale of a zombie outbreak due to governmental viral experiments, it takes place in a prison. See? This is a new twist on the familiar, and the element of being locked in with no means of escape is actually quite frightening. 

There are no big name actors here, the closest would be Brandon Stacy. Mr. Stacy plays Mr. Spock on "Star Trek: Phase II", and was the stand-in for Zachary Quinto in  J.J. Abrams "Star Trek". Shot on a half million dollar budget it is well acted, has a large amount of very well done gore, and it hooks you from the opening scene and throughout the film. Have I seen it all before, particularly the ending ? Of course. But I recommend that you check this one out as it was obviously made by people who love the genre.




The Dead Mile 2012 - **1/2  Will having been involved in the making of this film compromise my objectivity? No, not really. I was merely a zombie extra in this film, which was shot in Calgary, AB Canada during the fall of 2011. I did however gain a better understanding of the challenges in shooting such a film on a micro budget and a short filming schedule.

This is an entertaining film, it has some good laughs, the requisite gore, and looks like it was shot on a larger budget than was actually available. The premise here is unique, what if an actual zombie outbreak happened during a zombie walk? This is what the film's central characters must deal with after one of their friends is bitten by a cow, and the infection begins to spread through Calgary's annual zombie walk. The idea of the zombie virus being a variant of Mad Cow disease is not a new one, but seems fitting here in cattle country.

 Make no mistake, this is a low budget production, but unlike most it is well scripted, acted, and entertaining. A lot of very talented people gave freely of their time and skills to get this film made, and it shows.

The Dead Mile is available now on VOD here: http://vod.thedeadmile.com/ and it should see a DVD/Blue Ray release shortly. Check www.thedeadmile.com for updates.

P.S. If writer/director K.J. Kleefeld is reading this: If you shoot a topless scene, put the fucking titties in the fucking movie. Just sayin........




 Dead Moon Rising 2007 - * A good zombie film is replete with colorful characters that you grow to care about as it progresses, and has a script with dialogue that is believable and organic. The make-up and special effects make you cringe with their realism, and varying degrees of nudity enhance the viewing experience.

 This is not of those films.  This is as "B" a movie as is possible; the star that it is awarded is for a few reasonable laughs, and the performance by the lead Jason Crowe. There is little reason to watch this unless there is nothing else available; though it would have been vastly better with a larger budget.




 The Dead Next Door 1988 - ***1/2 Long before the popularity of the indie film, let alone the zombie indie, there was this little gem. It truly proves that a young director with vision and a limited amount of money can make a truly entertaining film.Shot on a budget that was as small as you could get, this homage to Romero, Carpenter, etc. succeeds admirably. Writer/director J.R. Bookwalter promised a sequel for years; sadly it looks as though it's not in the cards.




 The Dead Outside 2008 - ** This Scottish film may be described as dour, atmospheric, and shot for a mere 4000 pounds. Does this make for a good film though ? No, not really. The low budget kind of puts a damper on things like special effects, so the movie explores the psyche of a couple of survivors of the apocalypse. It's been done before and better. This is one of those films that makes 89 minutes seem like an eternity; skip it.


 Dead Pit 1989 - * Since the previous review posted here was so short I decided to view this again and see if the impressions the movie made upon my younger self would hold true today. 

Sadly, it is much worse than I gave it credit for. I guess at the time there weren't that many films in the genre to compare it to.

 A doctor murders an evil colleague performing experiments on patients in the basement of a mental hospital, then seals it off to the world. Twenty years later an earthquake releases the evil again.

 The plot is at times ridiculous, and leaves the viewer having to infer what is transpiring, but it is mostly just plain boring. The zombies don't even make an appearance until the 66 minute mark of this 95 minute film.

 They act like zombies, but unfortunately they sport white pancake makeup. What gore there is is very well done, but it isn't enough to save the film or to have me recommend it to you.



Dead Rising Watchtower 2015 - * I figured that since it is a chilly, rainy Saturday that I would spend the day catching up on some recent releases, since I haven't posted a review in quite some time. I guess this was a good place to start, as hopefully it can only get better from here. (I hope I haven't jinxed myself). The best thing that I can say about this film is that it is bland and inoffensive, it is the Bobby Vinton of zombie films. I don't know whether this was made for television, and can't be bothered to research the answer. I suspect it was though because it is edited in such a way to allow for numerous commercial breaks.

The story revolves around the usual government/military conspiracy to sabotage a drug called Zombrex which protects citizens from the zombie virus, what follows is a series of scenes played by unlikable characters which lack any true gore, suspense, or fright. The one scene that sticks out for me is one wherein the military thinks the virus may have gone air born, they gun down an Asian family, but let a pretty Caucasian reporter through to quarantine. The surprise twist ending has been so overused that it has become laughable.

The zombies here look good, but in this day and age there is no reason that they shouldn't on any project with a reasonable budget. They do however yield weaponry at times, and seem to retain a portion of their human abilities. Jesse Metcalfe who was most recently seen in the reboot of "Dallas" plays the lead, a reporter looking to establish his credentials as a serious journalist. He's pretty much there to look good and deliver some lines. The same with actress Meghan Ory, but I could watch a three hour film of her sitting in a chair, she is that sexy. The talents of Virginia Madsen and Dennis Haysbert are largely wasted here.

In the end, the best I can say is that this is a contrived, formulaic, waste of time for any serious enthusiast. Your time is far better spent re-watching something even marginally better.



 Dead Season 2012 - *** Despite a slow start, this one is worth sticking with. The first two acts are very slow moving. We meet Elvis (no, not that one) a paramedic who has lost his family. He is in contact with a woman named Tweeter via radio. Elvis (not Costello) has arranged for a boat to take him to the presumed safety of a remote island.

 Elvis (not Stojko) ends up meeting with Tweeter, and together they face the challenges of getting to the island. They arrive to find other survivors led by a man named Conrad, who runs things in a paramilitary fashion. All of this is pretty boring.

 The acting is competent enough, but the problem lies in the screenplay. At no point do you care for any of the characters. There really isn't a likable one to be found, including Elvis (not Grbac) and Tweeter. 

The film is salvaged,  however,  by a bloodbath in the third act which features believable zombies, and some truly outstanding gore effects. The film even provides a reasonable explanation as to why the undead are evolving into runners, and an interesting concept of how to maintain a viable food source that I have never seen presented before. 

Some mention should also be made of actress Marissa Merill's (Tweeter) breasts which are outstanding, and on prominent display. The film's climax was a bit of a disappointment in its predictability in both outcome and dialogue. Despite its flaws this is one that is worth checking out.  
 


Dead Set 2008 - **** Sometimes words fail. This 5 part British mini-series is so much better than films that get a theatrical release that it is astonishing.

 The story revolves around the competitors and makers of the British "Big Brother" series, and how they cope when the apocalypse happens. The total running time of all the episodes is 2 hours, 15 minutes of suspense, humor, and gripping zombie action.


 Everything here works: the acting, the characters, and the bloodshed .And what bloodshed there is!  The gore and make-up effects are on par with anything coming out of Hollywood- and this was for TV ? Two years before "The Walking Dead" ?

 This is a must see for any zombie film enthusiast. The only quibble that I have with it is the fast moving zombies. Brits seem to like fast moving zombies, but this is minor. My hat is off to all involved with this gem.



 Dead Snow 2009 - *** Film makers seem to have more of an obsession about making Nazi zombie films than I do watching them. Of the half dozen or so in this sub genre this is by far the best.

 This Norwegian film about a group of medical students on a ski trip who encounter the undead benefits from an entertaining, darkly humorous script, and great gore effects. The last 30 minutes is a blood bath, and features an ending that should have you losing your shit with laughter.


]

 Dead Walkers 2009 - *** A 14 minute short zombie western shot in my home town - Calgary, Alberta. 

It features State of the Art gore effects, and excellent acting and production values. There is talk that it may be redone feature length; let's hope so.

 If you would like to download this little gem and support director Spencer Estabrooks here is a link:

 http://itunes.apple.com/ca/movie/deadwalkers/id374427275  



The Defiled 2010 - 1/4* Every once in awhile a film comes along that is so bewildering it makes me wonder if there was an actual script involved, or whether it was totally improvised on set. This is one of those films.

 It must be a zombie film, it was part of a two disc set called, "Zombie Horror Fright Fest" after all. Among the causes for my bewilderment were: 1). Watching a zombie family unit forage for food. 2). Watching a zombie drink from a creek. 3). Zombies fucking. 4). A zombie finds a bottle of liquor, he puts it in the pocket of his suit jacket and drinks it later. 5). Zombies using weapons. 6). A zombie eating chocolate. This doesn't even begin to cover the lack of internal logic found here.

 This black and white film revolves around a male zombie who accidentally kills his family by feeding them irradiated human meat. Before his pregnant wife dies he uses a butcher's hook to perform a drastic cesarean section. The resulting infant, who is actually billed in the credits as "Roger" is a totally unrealistic prop baby. The zombie Dad cares for this infant on his own until he runs into a gang of redneck zombies who have captured two human women to torment and consume. He rescues one of the women who then spends the rest of the film carrying the baby as they walk through various locales together. That's really it until the climax, they walk, he falls down, he gets back up, they walk some more. 

Oh and did I mention that there is no dialogue in this movie? The principles grunt and growl to convey the gist of what's happening. Not a bad idea, if the actors were capable of conveying the story through their craft; such is not the case here. The woman who portrays, for lack of a better term, "the baby carrier" is particularly bad. Her face is pretty much expressionless for the most part, but apparently director Julian Grant failed to notice this in the dailies. So that in a nutshell is what the film is about - for 100 minutes! By the time it reached it's predictable conclusion I was ready for a shower to scour away the taint.

There's really not much more I'd care to say. There's no nudity. There are some gory flesh eating scenes and a body torn in half, but I suspect that one of the reasons the film is presented in B&W is to help hide the shitiness of the effects and prosthetics.

 There's also a random scene of two birds flying across the screen which inexplicably is done with C.G.I.. They couldn't find stock footage of two birds flying?

 I decided to check out the IMDb after the screening as is my wont, and the brief synopsis found there provided nary an iota of clarity to what I had just witnessed:

  "In a post apocalyptic world, science and technology have backfired leaving unfathomable destruction and a permanently diseased planet in its wake. A virus is mutating the human race turning innocent survivors into mindless cannibals". 

So they aren't really zombies, they're infected. Mindless cannibals? They aren't mindless - they act with motivation, use weapons, and have the desire to care for their young. Why then, as is implied, are there so many immune? 

This film is a confusing, boring fucking mess. Watch this if you must, but I would suggest doing something more fruitful with your time like spending it in a dentist's chair, or re-arranging your sock drawer.




The Demented 2013 - A group of average uninteresting college kids go on a weekend getaway. We see them doing the average zany things that college kids do. Soon there is news of a biological warfare attack, and they begin to encounter the infected.

 There is no real gore, tension, or nudity, but the film does abound with long chase scenes through streets and corridors.

 For some reason that is never adequately explained, those who are infected stand dormant until they hear a noise, then they attack ferociously. The characters are essentially clueless, and react to situations foolishly. One never cares about any of them for a moment.

 The film looks good, and director Christopher Roosevelt sets the shots up nicely, but the script is ho hum at best. They tried for a shocking twist ending, but it seemed forced – a better concept on paper than in execution.

 The two words that best sum up this film are bland and average, a sin in a horror movie. Skip it.



 Demon Wind 1990 - ** Not a bad film, it features good zombie makeup and some decent gore.



Descendents 2008 - 1/2* AKA "Solos". If I'm not mistaken this is the first zombie film produced in Chile. I'm tapping my fingers on the desk in front of me, trying to think of something nice to say about it. Ah, got it - this movie is a relatively short 74 minutes.

The film itself is presented in muted and processed colors. It is largely monochromatic, and though it is supposed to be artistic and atmospheric, it is simply a detraction. There are scenes of the infected attacking, but really only one scene of graphic gore.

The plot, such as it is, goes something like this: 

"In a future where mankind has been largely destroyed by a virus that turns them into zombie like creatures, some children are found to be born with a natural immunity of sorts. The infected won't touch them. One such child is Camille, and this is her story".

 What a boring fucking story it is too. We get to watch her do things like walk, eat insects, explore abandoned houses, and then walk some more. The film is replete with Camille's voice over narrative which sounds like it was written by, well someone about ten, it simply states the obvious. 

The little girl has encounters with zombiesand the military who are killing the zombies, then she walks some more. We are witness to flashbacks of Camille's life, and then she walks, expressionless, some more. We see scenes of infectious control protocol, she keeps right on walking.....By the way when I say expressionless I mean it, in a flashback where we see her receive a superficial bullet wound she still has no expression on her face.

She meets up with some other immune kids, for some reason that is never satisfactorily explained they are compelled and told to get to the sea, so of course they start walking there. When they get there at the conclusion of the film we are treated to an ending that is so completely fucking incongruous with the rest of the movie that it is positively stunning.

Perhaps even more perplexing and vexatious is a segment placed about half way through the end credits that tries to explain the events that you have just wasted precious moments of your life viewing. It merely serves to muddy the waters further. This film is definitely worthy of your indifference.



Detention of the Dead 2012 - *** How utterly fucking refreshing! A movie that touts itself as a comedy, and actually delivers while still being a good zombie film.

 A group of high school archetypes including a jock, a hunk, a vacuous cheerleader, a geek, a goth girl, and an Asian find their school over run with walkers while in detention. The action picks up from the moment the film opens, and never stops. 

This movie is not only funny, satirical, and witty, but the zombies and gore are very well done. The zombie enthusiast will enjoy the references to the genre, and while the actors seem a tad old for their roles, the casting works. This definitely makes it into my top ten zombedies list.



Devil's Crossing 2011 - 1/2* I'm a bit bewildered as to why this movie was even made. It's a post apocalyptic tale that presupposes that after nuclear devastation that we would revert into an old West society. It's like someone wrote a shitty graphic novel, couldn't sell it but then managed to find someone sap to film it. 

Basically our hero Shad sold his soul to the devil and for centuries has walked the Earth as a collector of souls. Now he wants to renege on the deal. While he tries to regain his freedom he must save the residents of a small town from zombies. 

On paper this doesn't sound like the worst premise I suppose, but it is lacking in its execution. 

The acting is such that you never come to care for the characters, there is little actual gore, and most of what there is computer generated. You can't buy into it as a western because of the clothing, and as a post apocalyptic vision you are distracted by the cliches that you would find in any spaghetti western. There is nothing to recommend here.




 Devil's Playground 2010 - * A corporate mercenary must find a lone woman whose immunity may hold the key to a cure during a viral outbreak. It's been done before, and much better too.

 These are the Danny Boyle style, very fast, very agile variety of "zombie". I still have trouble with this, as they aren't undead as such, but progress is progress they say.

 It is a shame that a reasonable budget, and some big name actors like Colin Salmon and Jaime Murray are wasted in a monotonous endeavor such as this.

 The gore is mainly zombies being shot; the pace is slow, the script is full of stereotypical characters and predictable outcomes, it is simply boring.




 Diary Of The Dead 2007 - ***1/2 This fifth living dead movie by George A. Romero centers around a group of film students who wind up shooting much of the early zombie apocalypse. The film has everything you'd expect from the master - excellent kill effects on a larger budget, decent acting. But what impresses are the characters introspective moments, and the symbolic story telling.




 Die-ner (Get It ?) *** - What a pleasant surprise ! I've had a bad run lately: one stinker after another. So this one's title didn't have my blood racing to watch, but it's very good.

 A young couple have the misfortune of stopping for a bite to eat shortly after a serial killer has dispatched the night staff. They become stuck in the diner with him as the zombie apocalypse begins.

 The film is not overly gory, but when it is, the effects are very good. The acting is above average for a movie of this size; in fact the actor who plays the serial killer, Joshua Grote, reminds one of a young Ed Norton. 

Update: In July 0f 2012 this film was renamed and repackaged as "KFZ Kentucky Fried Zombies". We thought we'd share this so you don't buy it twice y'all.

 Die You Zombie Bastards! 2005 - 1/4* Ever wanted to see a villain who looks like a cross between the Emperor from Star Wars and Witchiepoo from H.R. Pufnstuf get his penis beaten with hammers by three green, topless zombie women for his sexual pleasure? Neither did I, but that's just one of the lowlights that this film provides.When the selling points on a DVD cover are that the music is provided by a member of "The Butthole Surfers", and there are cameos by aged porn legend Jamie Gillis and psychobilly artist Hasil Adkins, one should immediately recognize that this is not indicative of quality assurance.

What a fucking mess, Lloyd Kaufman would laugh at you if you asked him to distribute this. The hubris, the conceit it would take to film this script fully believing that people would enjoy, laugh, and pay money to see it at is tantamount to insanity. If you think that I just don't get it, and you are a fan of this film, you are a cretinous, lowbrow product of incest who would be equally happy observing a shiny object, I'm not afraid to say it.

This film is actually a sequel to "Red's Breakfast 2: Dawn Of The Red", which I would rather stick my dick in an active beehive while listening to Nickelback than ever view. That film introduced serial killer Red Toole to audiences, as portrayed by Tim Gerstmar. Gerstmar is to acting what Terry Schiavo was to football.

 Here Red's girlfriend Violet is kidnapped by Baron Nefarious. Nefarious lives on Hell Island in the Bermuda Triangle where he plans to unleash his "Enormo Zombotron" on an unsuspecting populace, mutating them into the living dead. Red turns into a superhero (wearing a costume made largely from the skins of his victims), and goes on a journey to rescue his love.

 Along the way he meets an alien played by Gillis who resembles Anthony Bourdain's older, simple brother, and others who help him on his quest. His tribulations are replete with the lamest of scatological and dick gags, all leading to a ridiculous conclusion.

 I won't even get into aspects such as direction or effects as there are really none to speak of. This is not a zombie film as the title suggests, and it is not as bad as some that appear elsewhere on this site. It is though an utter waste of 90 minutes of your life that not even copious gratuitous nudity can save. Woe unto you if you ignore this.




Document Of The Dead 1985 - **1/2 This documentary centers on not only the making of "Dawn Of The Dead", but George A Romero's film making techniques and philosophies as well. It contains a lot of interesting footage and interviews with the cast of "Dawn", and his previous vampire film "Martin". This is where the film succeeds.

 Where its failure lies is in the almost pedantic way it treats the audience in regards to the process of film making. It presumes the viewer has no awareness of how movies are made, the female narrator drones on about what terms like "pre-production" mean. I figure anyone who would have an interest in a documentary such as this is a film buff, rendering the narrative unnecessary. It is though a must see film for those who love Romero's work, and particularly his masterpiece "Dawn Of The Dead". There isn't an actual trailer as such,so below is a promotional video released for the Japanese market.



 Doghouse 2009 - *** An enjoyable British zombie comedy revolving around a group of male friends stuck in a small town where all the woman have been zombified. 

Funny, gory, and inventive. A thinly veiled commentary about the battle of the sexes.