Saturday, May 28, 2011


Z Nation 2014 - **** You can't see it, but I'm smiling. I've just finished watching the first episode of "Z Nation", a new series that begins this evening (September 12, 2014 - 10 P.M. EST) on SyFy and Space in Canada.

The series stars Harold Perrineau, who fans will remember as Michael from "Lost", Tom Everett Scott from "Southland", and Michael Welch from "Twilight" among others.

The setup is a familiar one, a group of disparate survivors must make it from New York to California to the last remaining CDC lab, Camp Northern Light,  while trying to avoid the multitudes of fast moving zees, as they are referred to.

The good news is that this first episode contains a smorgasbord of the kind of action that devotees require. We begin to see glimmerings of who the central characters are, and what they are about. There is a lot of zombie violence which, for the most part, is well done, and the writers throw in a few original FX gags and situations that will probably disturb some viewers. There are also some glimpses into how the government and military try to handle the initial outbreak, the depiction of which are probably closer to home than some idealistic audience members might feel comfortable with.

If I have a complaint at all, it is a technical one. The Director of Photography uses a stark, washed out look for a majority of the episode. Its unnaturalness pulled me out of the viewing a few times, especially during exterior scenes. But this is a minor quibble, no?

Why am I smiling? Because this pilot is a stark contrast to "The Walking Dead". That series seems to focus on character development with secondary zombie violence as its focus. "Z Nation" will find an audience if it continues to focus on zombie violence with secondary character development as displayed here. This is a fine line, but an important one.

I urge all fans of the genre to tune in, set your PVRs, then sit back and enjoy this initial episode. Show some support so that this new series can find its footing. There is a lot of promise shown here, and it is clear that a lot of good people are involved in the creation of this series. You've captured my attention, and I'm looking forward to the payoff.

Zombie 1981 - ***1/2 (A.K.A. Zombi 2) There are some who claim that this is the best zombie film ever made. We would, of course, dispute this, but it is a truly great film. The gore effects are remarkable, the zombies look great, and you get to see a zombie battle a shark. How can you not love it ? This is truly Fulci's masterpiece.


Zombie 4: After Death 1989 - ** This film is essentially some reasonable zombie gore interspersed with scenes of walking through the jungle, and lot's of scripted exposition. You got it, it's Italian. The zombies here are of the voodoo variety, even though the film tries to pass itself off as a sequel to the Fulci classic. These zombies walk, but sometimes they run. They shoot guns, and some of them talk. The stars it is receiving are for the gore effects and the amazingly bad soundtrack featuring a "Survivor" rip off band singing the laughable 80's rock song, "After Death". It is a film that teeters somewhere between atrocious and mediocre.


Zombie 5: Killing Birds 1988 - 1/2* We had initially written this review as a sort of primer for Italian genre films. That review shared penetrating insight into the history of not only Italian zombie films, but Italian horror as a whole. This allowed us to properly define why this film ended up the way it did. Unfortunately, when we hit the "publish  post" button the Blogger site froze, and we ended up losing everything. Consequently you will have to wait for another time for that sage information, as we cannot bring ourselves to expend any more energy on this piece of shit. To summarize, an unnecessarily convoluted plot finds a group of student ornithologists on a field trip where they encounter zombies, a creepy blind guy played by Robert Vaughn, and vengeful birds. The zombies themselves don't show up until roughly the one hour mark, and they are quite secondary to the plot, such as it is. There is an awful lot of filler where students walk through the woods talking about nothing of consequence. Vaughn was clearly in a low point of his career to have even read the script. This is an entirely predictable film, if you haven't figured out everything by the halfway point you are a superior imbecile. The best parts of this mess are the unintentionally funny moments where the European actors are trying their damnedest to portray much younger American students This is simply another film calling itself a sequel to something that is entirely unrelated. Avoid it.

Zombie A-Hole 2012 - *1/2 We had great trepidation when this film began, one can tell instantly that there was no large budget involved. Certainly this is a B effort, but every once in awhile one comes along that isn't half bad.
The production values in this film are terrible, scenes are poorly lit, and the makeup on the zombie asshole himself is laughable. But it was the story and characters that reeled us in. One of this film's saving graces is the performance of Josh Eal as protagonist Frank Fulci.
 Fulci is a gate keeper who makes sure that the worlds of the living and the dead don't interact. He is a bit of a hick cowboy hunting down the zombie asshole who killed his sister. He is joined by his other sister who survived the attack, and the zombie asshole's brother who wants him dead because he can't stand what his brother has become. The asshole in question is murdering sets of twin women and collecting their souls to open a gateway to Hell. The three must stop him before he can open it, and with the help of the Necronomicon (yeah, you read that right) set out to destroy him.
This film borrows, copies, and pay homage to some horror classics. There is plenty of nudity, some that you don't necessarily want to see, and some inventive kills that are carried out competently for the most part. One must give credit to writer/director Dustin Mills for a script, that while absurd at times, keeps you interested and entertained. Make no mistake this is a B indie film, it was shot for a mere $3000.00, but there are far worse films to waste 108 minutes on. (Think "Fast Zombies With Guns")

Zombie Apocalypse 2011 - 1/2* A new made for television zombie flick produced by Scyfy, and starring Ving Rhames invoked much curiosity in us. Would it suck? Would Rhames redeem himself after his turn in the dreadful remakes of "Dawn Of The Dead" and "Day Of The Dead"? Sadly the answer is yes, it did suck. There is virtually nothing here to recommend. The only original idea in this film is that some of the undead are runners. We are told these runners are the highest zombies on the food chain, which makes no semantic sense unless they eat the slower of their own kind. The writers also use a dog to illustrate that animals can be zombified in a scene that is so obviously foreshadowing that it sticks out like a sore thumb.
 The movie contains its share of violence however the CGI employed is subpar even for television standards. It looked positively phony in high definition, even the city backgrounds were poorly executed. The script was amateurish and clumsy, and the acting was no better. The performance by Lesley-Ann Brandt, lately of "Spartacus" fame was particularly smirk inducing. Which brings us to Ving Rhames. He basically phones in this one, as he is given very little to do except kill zombies and utter vacuous lines. Any actor of large stature could have played this role: think Michael Clarke Duncan, or even Kane Hodder. 

The plot is one we've all seen dozens of times. A group of survivors tries to make their way to safety, along the way they run into various zombie hazards. It can only be made interesting by adding a new twist. Having said that, the new twist the screenwriters came up with for the climax of this film is right out of left field. At best it can be described as ludicrous, it is so incongruous to everything that leads up to it that it takes the viewer right out of the movie. Those who have survived, are waiting for a ship to rescue them and shuttle them to their safe haven. Suddenly out of the blue they are attacked by zombie tigers, not once but twice. The scene is completely unnecessary, hokey as hell, and the poorest example of computer animation that we've seen since screening a stinker entitled, "Birdemic: Shock And Terror". With television bringing us such gems as "The Walking Dead" and "Dead Set" this movie must be considered an utter failure and a huge disappointment. Maybe Ving Rhames should stay away from the genre.

Zombie Apocalypse Now: A Zombie Hunter 2008 - 1/2* When Lloyd Kaufman of Troma Films introduces a movie you know what you're in for. This Argentinian film about a sexually depraved zombie hunter who works for the Catholic church abounds with unrealistic gore, and the most ridiculous zombie make-up we've ever seen. Some of the undead look like they're wearing paper mache masks, while others just have green grease paint slapped on them haphazardly. There is an incredible amount of violence that is very amateur in its execution, and the blood looks exactly like what it is - red paint.  The only saving grace for this nonsense are the two or three unintentionally hilarious sequences, and it's merciful running time of 70 minutes. The half star rating is given because we have a soft spot for someone who tries to make a splatter film. There is no trailer available, probably because all it would contain would be scenes of insane, sadistic, fake looking violence. Instead you will find Kaufman's introduction to the film. Bear in mind he is lying.

Zombie Child 1977 - ** The first half of this film will bore you to tears though it does pick up the pace in the second. Unfortunately the film is also beset by bad  gore effects. It is pretty hard to find a copy of this movie these days, so unless you are a true completist it is hardly worth seeking out.

Zombiechrist 2010 - NO STARS. This film doesn't fit the zombie criteria necessary to be here, but as a public service we thought it only fair to warn you. This is the worst film we've seen since "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter". The "zombie" Christ is a skeleton wearing a crown of thorns and some red paint, and the movie is filled with naked tattooed skanks from beginning to end. There is no rhyme or reason to anything that happens. The highlight is when Christ extracts poop from a skank with his skeletal finger because she had a communion wafer earlier and he wants to rub it on his wounds. Which begs a question, can't he just say, "I am Christ, I am healed" ? A lot of guys like yarding feces out of women and rubbing it on themselves, but they're honest about it, "It makes me cum", not "It heals my wounds". Sheesh.....

Zombie Cop 1991 - 1/64* Could the man responsible for "The Dead Next Door" have produced this utter piece of shit ? Yep.

The Zombie Diaries 2006 - * What hath the Blair Witch wrought ? If you're like us you're getting sick of these hand held camera shot films. This one is particularly nauseating, Steve kept having to look away while we watched. Worse yet the film was....unimaginative.  The zombies looked good. There were the requisite head shots and one intestinal scene, but the first half of this film is just plain boring. The plot jumps back and forth in time, and nothing of any significance happens until about the 37 minute mark. Because it is basically a video chronicling events as they transpire the narrative doesn't engage and make one care about any of the characters, which is kind of crucial to this kind of endeavor.  Things do pick up in the second half, but the story goes off in an entirely new direction. It suddenly transforms itself into a movie about a couple of sociopaths who happen to be doing their handiwork during a zombie apocalypse. A bland mishmash of concepts, it is worth a skip.

Zombie Diaries 2 (2011) - *1/2 A.K.A. "World Of The Dead: The Zombie Diaries"  Why would you make the effort to coordinate a set full of soldiers fighting large numbers of the dead after actors have spent considerable time in make-up, pyrotechnics have been primed, and then shoot the whole thing with a single camera using night vision ? This is the primary problem with this movie series. Granted the photography is better this time, as there appears to be an increased budget. Once again as the story hops back and forth in time one wishes for a cognitive narrative. The psychos from the first film return, and as their story is told the viewer doesn't encounter a single zombie for over half an hour. Steve and I spent 168 minutes watching these films, and recommend that you do not.

Zombie Driftwood 2010 - NO STARS, again.......All the people on a cruise ship are turned into zombies, they disappear off the ship only to come on shore at an Island resort. They menace people, they bob their heads to heavy metal, they line dance to the "Yellow Rose Of Texas". Most of the non zombie action takes place in a bar where the regulars tell jokes like, "Someone woke up grumpy this morning". "I did...sometimes I let her sleep". No gore, no nothing.

Zombie eXs  2012 - 1/2 We were on such a roll, we should have known it wouldn't last. This film is just another low budget lame attempt to make a zombie comedy, and is one of the worst examples in recent memory.
 A shit script based upon a ludicrous premise.
 Amateur acting (even a guy who is portraying a redneck imbecile can't pull it off convincingly).
 Insanely poor production values.
 Talking zombies.
 A lack of nudity.
 Makeup that is worse than can be found at most zombie walks.
 A lack of realistic violence.
 Irritating guys who look like Zach Galifianakis that you just want to punch in the fucking face. 
 Characters who say, "Dude" more than is strictly necessary.
 Movies that make you chant the following mantra in your head:  "Please end, please end".
If you can check off any one of the above as being detrimental to your film viewing experience, then avoid this cinematic excrement at all costs. (Chances are that you, astute and discerning viewer that you are, will check them all) We actually hated this movie. Hated it ! We wanted to lash out at children and kittens for the 24 hours following our screening. Our world is now a darker place, it will take some time for optimism and light to return. The mere act of recalling the film and writing this review seems to be triggering a form of post traumatic stress disorder. As a small aside, why do the very worst films in this genre begin with the letter "Z" ?

Zombiefied 2012 - 1/2* I had the pleasure of viewing this film free at I had a truly wonderful time making comments whilst in the chat room with others as the movie played. My pleasure was not derived from the film itself, it is terrible, it was sheer fun riffing on it with like minded individuals. This motion picture is exactly that, a picture that moves. It moves from rock bands performing, to endless chase scenes, and a multitude of lame zombie attacks with incessant heavy metal performed during each.

As we have stated here many times, Steve and I applaud young would be film makers who take on  a project such as this, for the most part. But when one of these wholly amateurish stinkers comes along it  is hard not to deride it for its lack of overall craft, plodding pace, atrocious acting, and horrible effects. Not one line from any "actor" here is delivered with authenticity or conviction. The story, such as it is, revolves around a tape containing a song that when played causes listeners to turn into zombie like creatures led by a man in a Nixon mask. As plausible as this may all seem, it doesn't translate into anything remotely interesting when viewed.

The half star this film receives are for the first five, promising minutes that involve a nice pair of titties and cocaine. Sadly after that it's all downhill. Had I had to sit through all 100 minutes of this drivel alone in my man cave, I would now be a sad, mortified shadow of my former self. Thank you Indie Horror TV for making my time with this film bearable. You don't have that option, so do anything else that springs to mind.........anything.

Zombiegeddon 2003 - 1/2* When during the introduction to a film the world's worst mainstream director Uwe Boll tells you not to watch because the movie is an utter piece of shit it should behoove one to listen. Make no mistake about it this is a shitty film, but we're giving it a break because we watched "Santa Claus Versus The Zombies" right after it. We decided that while this is indeed an atrocious film on many levels, it does have enough chuckles and nudity to give it that half star.

 Troma films range from delightful camp to cringe inducing offal, this film leans hard to the latter. The first question we asked ourselves was how did they get Linnea Quigley, Tom Savini, Brinke Stevens,and William Smith to make appearances in this film alongside the likes of Ron Jeremy, and that mainstay of awful cinema Joe Estevez? It seems to us that director Chris Watson purposefully set out to make as bad a film as he could muster. How else does one explain the ridiculous special effects? At one point you can actually see a pair of hands holding a paint tray throwing "blood" on the wall during a killing.

 Plot wise the story revolves around a pair of dirty cops who have to save the world from an outbreak. The zombies here are an actual separate race of beings created by Satan. They can appear human to the rest of us, co-existing and causing most of the nasty shit that plagues our planet. They talk, live fairly normal lives, and apparently are all skilled at martial arts. The humor is pretty much what one would expect from a Troma film, politically incorrect, largely sexual and scatological in nature. There are a few gags where one will laugh probably in spite of one's self; and like we said, obligatory nude scenes. Beyond that there is nothing that would make us recommend this one to you. It is really rather hard to sit through this one, skip it.

Zombies Gone Wild 2007 - We have to give this one Negative*** NEVER, EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE WATCH THIS FILM !!!  Words fail. We wish we got paid even a meager stipend to do these reviews, that way we could possibly rationalize wasting 100 minutes of our lives on this direct to video shit. This story of three imbeciles who go on a road trip to score "poontang" and wind up being accosted by female zombies is, simply put, the worst genre movie ever made. It bills itself as a comedy, it most certainly is not. There cannot be an actual script, every bit of dialogue seems improvised by people who have never acted before. It is a long series of lame fart, barf, and stanky pussy jokes which the makers of this atrocity seem to find hilarious. It's as though some dudes who amused each other with their churlish shenanigans decided to make a film for $500.00. If you actually manage to watch the whole disaster, you'll find that it doesn't even have a proper ending. Right in the middle of a scene, the director calls cut, an argument ensues and everyone just walks away. That's it, the closing shot is a close up of the back of a shirt that says, "eat me" with "That's All Folks" superimposed above. Maybe the whole thing was a joke, maybe they tried to make the worst movie ever put on DVD. There is not one nano second of this film that will satisfy your movie watching needs. Laughable gore, zombie shootings with what are obviously cap guns, offensive characters, an utter lack of regard for production values, zombies that  can't even lurch properly, no titties shown in a quest to get laid - it all adds up to a cinematic fiasco of unheralded proportions. The whole premise is fucked from the beginning anyway, since there's absolutely no way any women would lay these thoroughly unlikable cretins. Do not let the trailer below fool you, this is a film made by retards for retards.

Zombie Honeymoon 2004 - *1/2 While this isn't a bad way to spend 90 minutes, nothing about this film rings true. Is it a horror movie? Not so much. It does aspire to be a love story, and succeeds in as much as it is the first zombie chick flick. Danny and Denise are newlywed vegans with a bun in the oven and a bright future. Danny is attacked on a beach by a zombie who pukes black liquid in his mouth, infecting him. He dies for a short time before coming back to life, seemingly unscathed. Soon though he begins to display a hunger for the flesh of anyone who happens to be at hand. This is where it becomes virtually impossible to suspend ones disbelief. Well certainly for a guy it is. Like most guys, the moment our loved one started ripping out the throat of one of our mates, it would be time to plant a knife in her head. The film asks, "how far will one go for the one they love"? The answer it provides, we're afraid, would only satisfy those girls who dig the Twilight saga. The film seems strangely British in its sensibilities, the way that it is shot, its soundtrack, and in one scene where a car is seen driving in the left lane. The credits do say it was shot entirely in New Jersey. People honeymoon in Jersey? The script has gaping holes, none of the characters are particularly likeable, and Danny isn't a zombie in the Romero sense. (Those he bites, do not turn.)  The movie's saving grace is it's decent gore, and a nude scene with the Kirsten Stewart lookalike leading lady, Tracy Coogan.

Zombie Hunter 2005 *** After watching a couple of dismal movies on a Saturday night, we tried this one. We loved the premise, it is basically an homage to the spaghetti westerns of Sergio Leone, with emphasis on "The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly". The zombie hunter himself even does a passable Clint Eastwood vocal impersonation. We thought it was a great opening sequence that introduced the primary characters, and contained a lot of decent bloodshed, multiple zombies, and potential. Then the credits started to run, and I turned to Steve and said, "these look like end credits". The reason for that was because they were, it is a 11 minute short film. This was, of course, disappointing as it really did show a lot of promise. One can only hope that writer, director Geoff Hamby expands this premise at some future date. Below is the film in its entirety.

Zombie Hunter 2013 - * A drifter whose mission it is to kill "eaters, a slut, a sexy good girl and her 15 year old brother who has a compulsion to masturbate, an overweight inbred redneck,  an old guy who happens to be a pilot, and Danny Trejo playing the role that Danny Trejo always plays must band together to survive an outbreak caused by a drug called "Natas".
 How original.
 It is difficult to decide which aspect of the film is more cloying, the voice over narration by the characters or the fake looking CGI blood that keeps spraying on the camera lens.
Most of the zombies here are of the mindless variety, while others wield weapons including a chainsaw. No explanation for this is given and it makes no sense, especially when a breed of giant monsters are introduced that have nothing to do with the symptoms of taking the drug. The script seems based on a bad video game that hasn't been invented yet, and Trejo is by far the best actor here. Yeah you read that right. The most enjoyable part of the film for us was the most ridiculous, pointless sex scene since "The Room". It has to be seen to be believed, and of course it contains no nudity.
This was a Kickstarter project and it shows, the zombies are not believable looking, the gore effects are poor, and the script contains every trite cliche imaginable. Crowdfunding for films is the proverbial dual edged sword. At its most noble it allows young and talented film makers the opportunity to get their project produced, but also lets the not so talented who may have some sales skills the same benefit to the detriment of cinema in general. You can skip this one and feel no guilt.

The Zombie King 2013 - *1/2 Being peripherally involved in the film industry ourselves we understand that when producing a mid budget film it is to one's advantage to attach one or two big names to your project to draw viewers to your film when there are many to choose from. We're just not sure if Edward Furlong and Corey Feldman would be the first that would spring to mind. 

From its cover one is led to believe it is a straight forward horror film, but it is actually a British zombie comedy. Furlong's character calls upon a voodoo Demon played by Feldman to bring his wife back to life. In return the Demon wants to destroy the Underworld and unleash chaos, it involves seven steps, seven souls, blah, blah. The undead take over a small country town, and a group of survivors including a milkman, a postal worker, and a bylaw enforcement officer are the only ones that can stop the plan. They wander in and around the town as they cannot leave, the army has set up a perimeter and will shoot anyone who tries to leave on sight. 
Eventually they arrive at a church where they meet a drunken Father Lawrence.The Priest as played by Jon Campling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) looks, and to some degree acts like Bill Moseley's "Otis B Driftwood" from "The Devil's Rejects". Together they have a final showdown with the Zombie King and his minions. The films ending resorts to the tired and cliche, we have seen it dozens of times.

This is certainly not a gory movie, and for a comedy it's laughs are limited. It's like the screen writers couldn't agree as to what tone the film should take, and it ultimately suffers for it. There really is nothing here for the serious zombie fan. It is simply better than some, and worse than others.


Zombieland 2009 - ***1/2 The film that single handedly brought a whole new audience to the genre with it's mix of humor, gore and big budget. As important a zombie film as "Shaun Of The Dead" in popularizing all things dead. 

Zombie Love 2007 - ***We don't know about you, but we loves us a zombie musical. This love story between the zombie Dante and human Claudia actually brought a huge smile to our faces. It's pretty hard to find, but we present the full 45 minute film you courtesy of your friends at youtube. The end sequence is a bit out there, and doesn't seem to fit with has come before, but we can live with that. There have been stage adaptations of the film, if you are lucky enough to have one where you live you'd be foolish to miss it. If we have one complaint with zombie musicals it's that the soundtracks are almost impossible to find. Enjoy, and leave some comments -  we'd like to know what you think.

Zombie Nation 2004 - Again we have to give this NO STARS whatsoever. This was extremely painful to watch. Where does one begin ? Due to its budget of $ 1500.00 every interior scene is filmed in the same warehouse with slight set differences to distinguish them from one other. The police station is obviously a boiler room with desks, and decorated with a Chinese gong for no particular reason. The acting is atrocious, the lead Gunther Ziegler looks like a teutonic Simon Cowell with a vaguely German accent. The rest of the cast appear to have been hired whether they had experience or not. This pile of shit was written and directed by Ulli Lommel. Apparently Mr. Lommel has been allowed to direct 53 films of a similar nature, how this even possible is dumbfounding to any right thinking mind. He actually makes Uwe Boll look like Quentin Tarantino.  Then there is the story......As far as we can determine a young boy whose Mother ran a mental institution tortured him. If you consider making sure his nails, and behind his ears are clean torture. He grows up to be a cop who pulls women over, takes them to an abandoned warehouse, inspects them to see if their nails, ears, and noses are clean before killing and disposing of them. These women are brought back from the dead by a coven of voodoo mistresses, who all look like Aunt Jemima, by making them drink blood from the mouth of a severed pig's head. Confused ? We were.  The re-animated zombie women are distinguishable from the living because they have black make-up around their eyes, kinda like Alice Cooper after a performance. They are pretty normal in every other regard. Of course they seek revenge on the man who killed them, and then end up getting jobs as police officers themselves. But this doesn't even begin to truly capture all of this movie's shitty essence. There is a fight scene between two cops Fight Club style that has no bearing on the plot. There is a psychiatrist who keeps repeating, "is it safe" over and over in a blatant homage to "Marathon Man", but is just plain silly. The highlight of the gore involves the ripping off and consumption of a penis, and was done poorly at that.  It also keeps flashing back to the boy's days in the mental hospital where the staff is torturing the inmates. The best part of this film is its misleading DVD cover. Avoid this one like a hooker with open sores, we only recommend it to those who find pleasure in watching a naked bald man being repeatedly whipped with a switch.

Zombie Holocaust - 1980 - *** AKA "Dr. Butcher MD". This was a very nice surprise, an 80's film that provides great gore, not a bad plot, and one of the most beautiful women ever filmed nude. It is still somewhat hard to find, but worth the trouble.

Zombies And Cigarettes 2009 - **1/2 This 17 minute Spanish short film is a perfect example for would be zombie film makers of what can be done on a small budget. It is well shot, well acted, and well executed. The makeup is very good, we just wish there were more depictions of actual gore to go with all the blood. We present it here in its entirety. 

ZMD:Zombies Of Mass Destruction 2009 - ***1/2 Wow, a wonderful, witty script full of well developed characters. There is a strong element of current events in this film, and a healthy dose of fear. Fear of terrorists, fear of homosexuality, and fear of things different. We meet a broad range of characters during an outbreak in a small U.S. resort. Many scenes have a hint of  familiarity though it is done as an homage rather than a rip-off. Because of this character development the film starts out slow, but about fifteen minutes in takes the viewer on a roller coaster of mayhem. The effects are above average with the usual intestinal feeding, head shots, and some nice surprises. The acting is very good, with a strong female lead portrayed by the gorgeous Janette Armand. Highly recommended !!!

Zombies Of War 2006 - 1/2* This garbage, which was originally titled "Horror Of War",  is another that attempts to cash in on the zombie craze by changing its title. It consists of long scenes of American G.I.s during WW II running through wooded areas fighting Nazis, and occasionally the odd zombie or werewolf. This film is stupefyingly boring, and the creature make-up is frankly laughable. We would go so far to say that if the most beautiful member of the opposite sex you've ever encountered offers to have sex with you if you watch this film with them, you should turn them down. There will come a time when the regret you feel for turning down the sex will fade, the regret that you feel for watching this film however will not. The half star we give this film is for the costume department and set dressers who fought valiantly against their budgetary limitations.

Zombie Nightmare 1986 - 1/2* The only genre film to have ever received the Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment. Adam West is your big name attached, while rock singer Thor plays the one and only zombie in the film. There is a tiny iota of decent violence here that earned the stinker the half star we're giving it.

Zombie Strippers 2008 - **This film knows it is a B movie from the get go, and makes no attempt to elevate itself above that status. The first fifteen minutes are very good, the zombie make up is well done, and the gore is convincing. Then we get to the tittie bar where things go rapidly downhill. Long scenes of women and zombies with large man made breasts pole dancing might appeal to a virginal teenager, but serve mainly as filler here. Most of the attempts at humor miss the mark, but the plot is secondary - the gratuitousness is the point after all. There are some very well done gore scenes interspersed along the way, and the final fifteen minutes are, again, better as the zombies are destroyed. Jenna Jameson being in this film is a no brainer, but Robert Englund ? I guess a pay cheque is a pay cheque, but the mighty have fallen. The two stars are for the clever gore effects, which make this film worth viewing.

Zombie Town 2007 - *** A.K.A. "Night Of The Creeps 2" This is a really enjoyable, smaller budget production. Slug like parasites show up in a small town and begin forcing the residents to bite other victims in order to propagate. There is solid action, humor, and the acting is actually very good for a production of this size. There is enough very well done gore to satisfy blood thirsty viewers. It does not however have anything to do with "Night Of The Creeps" apart from the slugs. Definitely check this one out, you won't be disappointed.

Zombie Undead 2010 - ** All the proper elements are here; good make-up, decent gore, and a lot of zombies, but somehow this British indie film misses. Simply put, it's boring. A slice of life tale about a group of people trapped in a hospital during the apocalypse shouldn't be tedious, but the lackluster acting and the fact that you never come to care for any of the characters had us chanting, "Go Zombies Go" at the halfway point. If this same script was shot with a budget using a talented cast and director it would be eminently viewable, rather than just okay.

Zombies Versus Strippers 2012 -  No Stars. We approached this one with no small level of trepidation given the title and more than a modicum of experience. How surprised were we then to experience this smartly written, tautly paced piece? This film contains high humor, pathos, visceral thrills, and ultimately themes of courage and redemption that are clearly metaphors for...............just fucking with ya, it's absolute garbage. To call this film witless and base would be extending it an unwarranted kindness. This ill conceived tale of a struggling tittie bar, and its caricature ridden staff fending off the undead assaults the viewer with mediocrity in its every aspect. It touts itself as a comedy, but contains approximately the same amount of laughs as "Schindler's List". We've posed the question before, but let us pose it again, who the fuck green lights this shit? Who was the person at, what in years past was a reputable horror film distribution company, "Full Moon" who would gamble money that this script was filmable? Did they actually foresee a return on that investment?

 Which of us actually believe that zombies and strippers are such a seamless combination that they deserve not one, but three movies? Note to film makers: if you are going to shoot a movie that revolves around a strip club cast actresses that male viewers would like to see naked. One would think that this should be a no brainer, not in this case. Here we are treated to not one, but two of the ugliest sets of man made fun bags in recent memory. There really isn't any point in referring to the gore here, it is sad and amateurish at best. 

Regrettably, the best part of this film is a verbose, pedantic Christian biker character named Red Wing portrayed by Brad Potts.(Red wings on a Hell's Angel logo is a status symbol signifying that the wearer performed cunnilingus on a menstruating woman). We did not laugh once during this movie, we couldn't even muster a snort of derision. We urge you friends, skip "Zombies Versus Strippers" and watch "Strippers Versus Zombies" instead (see below). We give this one No Stars.

Zombiez 2005 - NO STARS. Would someone please remind us why we do this again? That this film ever got a straight to DVD release is mind boggling. Apparently these "zombies" are created using the venom from the toxic puffer fish to do their master's nefarious bidding. Sounds evil huh? It turns out a bunch of black and hispanic dudes are zombified to kill the living, eat some, then save the rest so they can be used in the manufacture of meat pies.  This is possibly one of the most boring films ever made. There are a greaaaat many scenes of a chick running through the forest being chased by running zombies wielding cleavers and sickles. The gore sequences are amateurish and laughable. There may not even have been an actual script. All the actors (calling them such is an unwarranted kindness) seem to be winging it. This film isn't as bad as say, "Zombies Gone Wild", but it is a prime example of film making ineptitude. The soundtrack must have been taken from the library of the public domain, it is the most inappropriate music for a film of this nature as is possible. At one point the music sounds like a guy tuning a violin.  Let this serve as a public service announcement: Do not ever watch this film, not for love or money. I think we may be two of the, maybe, six people who ever watched this shit from beginning to end. We were going to check the IMDB to see if anyone involved with this travesty ever worked again, but then decided we'd wasted enough of our life on it. Oh, by the way, what's up with the dude in the chicken costume? Naturally there is no trailer available, but McNabb57Vick was kind enough to share the following two scenes on YouTube that will give you some indication of what we had to endure to enlighten you.

Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! 2008 - **1/2 This is the film that "Zombie Strippers" would have been had it lived up to its potential. It is truly enjoyable, the script is full of colorful characters and dialogue that had us laughing out loud. The best of these characters is a pimp played by Anthony Headen, who pulls off a great vocal impersonation of Samuel L. Jackson. The gore effects alternate between great and cheesy, but this doesn't detract from the enjoyment gained, it almost adds to it. Make no mistake it is a B movie, but is an overachiever in every regard. There are scenes where it is clear it is paying homage to Tarantino and the grindhouse tradition, particularly "Death Proof". Although it doesn't quite work, the intention is obvious. We highly recommend this one for an evening when the guys get together to see some bloodshed and titties. The movie poster says it all, "Strippers Vs. Zombies". What more can you ask for ?

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